I feel the need to start by going back not just a few months to my diagnosis, but further back to how I was as the old me.  The me that had not a care in the world.  I was a young, healthy, vibrant, single 40 something with no kids.  The world was my oyster!  And although my travels and expeditions maybe weren't what some people have done, they were pretty big and fun in my world.

I had spent most of my adult life working on my career and just having fun!  I was independent and successful.  And spent my weekends exploring the great northwest, learning to country dance, or having bonfires with friends.  Work hard and play harder is the motto, right.  On the surface I was bright, fun and successful!  But deep down, I was a mess.  I didn't have the best family situation as a child and this caused lots of self esteem issues.  I covered it all with my work and success.

By the beginning of 2015 my social anxiety had grown so bad, that I reached out for professional help.  I truly believe that my body was at this point beginning to prepare me for what was to come.  I know, most who know me would never understand the social anxiety aspect.  I was a successful business woman, former model, and ballerina.  But it was a created facade because I was still the damaged little girl who did not know her true potential!

So, with my body guiding me and my actually listening to it, I started working thru all this and discovering the true me.  The amazing person I really already was.  I just had to see what others already saw in me.  It took a lot of work and a lot of courage, but eventually I was able to be who I always needed to be.  The imperfect me that was willing to let others see the imperfect me.  That vulnerability led me to my biggest fear:  being judged and looked down upon.  But I pushed forward and kept at it.  Little step by step.

To help work thru this part of my life, I began meditating and listening to daily affirmations.  This piece helped me connect to my body, mind and spirit in a way I never had before.  As this process worked along, I became more open to listening to the universe as well.  In December 2015 I actually bought a cancer insurance policy!  Now that's the universe talking to me.

By this time, I had reduced my work hours to 25 per week which allowed me time to grow my own vegetables, hike in the mountains, play in my flower garden and spend time with family.  I was building the life I wanted and truly enjoying it and myself.

Fast Forward to November 19, 2016, my scheduled annual mammogram.The tech reviewing the pictures stated that I had dense tissue and shouldn't be alarmed if I got a call back for more pictures.  I knew I had dense tissue, had been struggling with self exams my entire life.  Very difficult to tell what was there before and what is or isn't normal.  And of course the following week is Thanksgiving, so no time to schedule the follow up with additional pictures and ultrasound, it would have to wait another week.

November 28th was the 2nd mammogram and ultrasound.  The 2nd set of pictures was far more extensive and a little painful, I won't lie.  When the tech left the room and a doctor entered, I began to understand the seriousness of the situation.  Deep in my heart, I always knew I was a "when" and not "if" when it came to breast cancer.  It still was quite surreal and really not even confirmed.

December 1st I went in for an aspirated biopsy.  This is a fairly easy biopsy with a very small needle and guided by the ultrasound.  Other than feeling like I was laying in a very poorly designed Playboy centerfold, the whole thing went off quite easily. I was sent home with the basic, your doctor will call you.

The following Monday I was at the office preparing for a budget meeting right after lunch when my phone rang.  I knew the number well.  My primary care physician had been with me for almost 20 years.  The call lasted about 15 minutes.  I don't remember much of it, except that I wrote down some very silly notes.  I was concerned about what spciculated meant and other silly things.  I didn't ask if it was graded or cared much about the standard treatment plans.  When she said reach out to friends and family is when I shed a couple tears, but not much really.  My only thought was what friends do I have?  What family do I have?  Who would help me and care?